The Public Service Announcement

I am a huge proponent of keeping up with doctor appointments. In fact, my doctor often laughs at me because typically my physicals are exactly one year and one day (insurance rules) from my last one. I don’t mess around. So, for example, people of a certain age are supposed to have a colonoscopy. And then that age got lowered recently to 45. So, after chatting with my doctor about risks, I made my appointment.

I don’t love anesthesia. Who does? I REALLY don’t love IV’s. If you do, then maybe there are issues you should evaluate. But, I figured if Katie Couric can get a colonoscopy on TV, then I could do this. And I did! No problem. The colonoscopy was a piece of cake. A great nap. I highly recommend it. You learn if you have any issues, they can take care of things right away for testing, and you are taking control of your health. Get your colonoscopy! That’s my message.

It’s the prep process that is the problem. I actually thought my instructions were full of typos. “That can’t possibly be correct,” I said out loud to my dog, who perked his ears up at me. Take 30 mg of Dulcolax (for me that was 6 pills), then one hour later, pour an ENTIRE bottle of Miralax into 64 ounces of specifically colored Gatorade and drink 8 ounces every 10 minutes until all of it is gone. Usually, if I have an issue, it would be a small capful of Miralax. But an entire bottle? Would I actually violently explode? The instructions remarkably continued. Then, at three o’clock in the morning, get up (hilarious instructions, as I never had the chance to go to sleep) and drink an ENTIRE bottle of magnesium citrate followed by 32 ounces of water. Then, attempt to get in a car and get to the doctor for the procedure six hours later. Without soiling your car. 

I will not detail my experience in between and after these instructions. 

By the time the nice anesthesiologist told me I would fall asleep in 15 seconds, I was so excited. I actually couldn’t wait to just get to the colonoscopy part of the program.

He was right. I did fall asleep in 15 seconds, or less. I thoroughly enjoyed the nap. The staff was fantastically lovely, considering they have to listen to people pass gas all day long in order to be released from the office. The good news is that all is clear and I don’t need to go again for another 10 years unless a problem arises. Fantastic! 

The other news is I have discovered that if I ever have another Gatorade, it might be too soon. Sadly, that is the taste I have to associate with all the prep supplies. Poor Gatorade. All these years of helping me through races and heat, and now I can’t even look a bottle in the label. I’m sure after a long summer run, we will make up. But this week it’s tough.

But again, get your colonoscopy! It’s not terrible. How’s that for an enthusiastic endorsement? It’s not terrible. And it’s what you need to do.