The Impending Charlotte's Web

I think I've gotten myself in trouble. I knocked down all the spider webs at the side entrance to my house and I think the millions of spiders affected are ticked. It was starting to look like purposeful Halloween decorations. Every time I walked out, I got tangled in the webs like a fresh catch. There was a 4 inch monster bug with expansive wings dangling on a web string. "Help Me" it said, with what I believe were its eyes. These spiders are making crazy strong and elaborate web systems. I could't take it any more.

I fully expect to see a Charlotte's Web that just says, "B@!*&", or "Some Meanie." I used a large push broom and pulled off all the webs from the siding, door frame, and overhang. Then I fought the broom in the driveway, pulling and tugging, trying to remove all the webbing from the bristles. It was like trying to get gum out of hair. The spiders sat back and laughed at me.

Now I'm pretty sure a few are in my own hair, laying eggs out of spite. What was I to do? I was afraid my children would be caught. I would just walk out and see them wrapped up in a web, with a large, smiling spider lifting one of its eight legs up to me in an homage to the middle finger. I couldn't risk it. I had to tear the community down. Now I am just waiting to pay the price.